milk, shingles, and nightmares

I have been having nightmares every night for at least a month now, maybe longer. I wake up with a tired, sore jaw from hours of clenching and a headache from god-knows what kind of mental flips and turns my brain races through. I rarely remember the content, which is actually an oddity for me. All I can recall, and feel, from the bottom of my spine to the base of my skull, is the stress and anxiety.

But I don’t know why this happens!

I am cracking my neck as I write.

I don’t hate my job or feel over-pressured by my supervisor. I do feel overwhelmed when I think about it…. Hmm. Maybe that’s it. I don’t let myself think about being outstripped. I just do and deal and move forward, head and shoulders braved against the weight. I guess my subconscious has been working through all that for me.

I do tend to be more like a trauma doctor in an ER, trying to stop sudden bleeds and breaks without a long-term approach or plan… “Oh more paperwork? And now I need to access the Acuity website and plan and differentiate from that information? Ok. Oh, I have to teach my kids all about Historical Non Fiction, Poetry, Biography, Main Idea and details, etc, in a matter of weeks so they are ready for the ELA? Even though most did not know the meaning of ‘main’? Okaaaay.”

Moving forward always just doing.

I need to consciously force my shoulders down away from my ears. I’m so used to the tension, relaxation feels awkward.

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One nightmare I actually can recall —

meetings

I am sitting, too early once again, at a professional development meeting. About reading and English language learners. Although they all start to sound the same after a while, I feel I have learned more from these than some of my classes for my masters. I wish they would give me a series of these on how to teach math!