Meaningful Moments (aka riding a rollercoaster without a seatbelt)

There is a high that comes from meaningful, purposeful self-exertion. Call it adrenaline, a runner’s high – whatever you want. It is found in that moment, whether at 3AM or 1PM, when you are simultaneously exhausted and exhilarated; eyes are demanding to be closed while the mind is saying, “Yes! Keep going!” It is in these moments when I am most glad to be a new teacher; when all the tension and stress I experience feels meaningful and purposeful. I am driven to live in those moments.

And yet there are times when stress is all but meaningful and compelling. I recently experienced this when I was on the verge of my very first “teacher cry”. I had expected that time to come as a result of being aggravated over a child’s behavior, or because of those ever-frequent, gut-sinking moments when you see your inadequacies. Nope. I was blind-sided — It was because of another teacher.

The Straight Jacket of Report Cards

There is no greater weight than putting a child’s grade in ink and paper. I feel like – everything I have done in the last 2.5 months has accumulated to this… And it’s so soon! I feel like I am always running to catch up with making sure I am doing all the appropriate informal and formal assessments, as well as still getting to know my students, how they learn, what they like and already know, and what they’re learning or not getting.

The worst part, though, is that some of the grading is already set for them before I even try to look holistically at their achievements. The running records we do for Teachers College is the sole factor in the grade they get for reading. And while I know there does have to be a standard for each grade that each child needs to meet, but these standards simply do not take into account that these students are learning entirely in their second language and are, literally, having to work twice as hard — learning not just the content or reading strategies and approaches of “good readers”, but they’re learning new language every day so they even can learn that content fully and deeply. How do you fairly and objectively assess and grade those students that gives recognition to this, as opposed to ignoring it?

Consider this: I’m told that my student, J, who has been challenging herself to read for 30 minutes a night in English, write every night in her reading response journal and who, as a result, has moved up in her reading levels from a level E (first grade level) to a level J (second grade level) in 2.5 months, then dammit, she deserves some recognition — not a “1 – far below grade level” on her report card; and my student A, who barely does his homework and coasts by but reads an M (third grade level), is awarded a “3 – meets grade standards” on his report card. It’s simply unfair.