only the beginning, true…but…but…

“It is never too late to get your students to reach great gains and you
will get them there. There’s a lot to do between here and there, but
you’re on a good path and that’s why we’re doing it together. This is
just the beginning.”

I totally agree with this blogger. And I am right where that new teacher is that she’s responding to. I look at my first few weeks and what lies ahead, and how quickly the tests are coming at my ELLs and think, “is it too late?”

Those first few weeks matter so much – they tell the students your expectations, standards and hopes for them as well as getting them (and you!) in the habit of rules, procedures and believing that those things are going to be consistent and actually help the class do what it needs to.

But I’ve already found myself imploring them to “act like grown-up third graders” and “follow the rules” — rather than doing what I feel like I should be doing, even when I’m not sure what that is.

As a new teacher of a class full of beginner and intermediate ELLs, I am right behind that eight ball; they need to make substantial gains and I need to not just lead them and teach them, but document every step and work to prove myself every step of the way.

Principals and APs come in to not just “observe” me, but to write down every word I say. I don’t oppose this, but as a new teacher, I hadn’t realized it had ever been any different. And sometimes it’s very hard to imagine how it could, or should be different – along with everything else I am doing. And when I think about the “will I be able to…” questions, these kinds of ideas mingle in with questions just about me and what I can and will do.

Right now, I’m having to prepare lessons that not just meet standards and are in response to recent research, but also, yes, prepare them for the standardized tests which they must pass or go to summer school and face possible retention. Along side those lessons, I’m having to create language goals in addition to the content goals so that my students are able to actually talk about and think about those things I am teaching them.

I have students who, when we were reading a story together and I had outlined all the words I thought would trip them up, asked me, “what does ‘got up’ mean?”. So, every day I am finding that there are yet new things I do not know (which can be a great thing), and it makes me think I am just unprepared to be the teacher my kids need.

Now, I also feel very deeply that I want to, and can, be that teacher they need but it’s a very long road ahead of me and while I have Fellows and others who I am grateful for because of their support, the room of teachers on the same page as me at my school could fill a tiny room. Most think I’m crazy for even wanting to be a classroom teacher – as if wanting to tackle obstacles to reach up and turn that light bulb on over some children’s heads is akin to martyrdom. As if seeing how being a teacher means being a mix of scientist, artist and poet is just idealism and “newbie-ism” at work.

So, yes, it is never too late and this is just the beginning. But damn, did September go fast.